Un Guşter

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Also known as Sven, The man downstairs from the man upstairs. The neighbour of the Beast. Chuck Norris, etc. Distributor of random thoughts via poetic parcels. Explorador y aventurero. Mephistofelically inclined towards Machiavellian methods. Too old to wander, too young to travel.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Conquistador blues II

Or why I think the death penalty should not be abolished...

Everybody is a liar.

Fact. It does not need to be debated, the only thing that is open for debate is "how much?". Do you lie on a regular basis or just spontaneously. And is it only for personal gain or out of necessity?

There is no doubt about it. Everyone lies at one point or another in their lives... and then they never stop. And this is not necessarily a bad thing. Evolutionarily speaking it's good. After all, one of the many theories about the disappearance of the Neanderthal is that they died out (presumably killed each other) because they couldn't lie. I can believe that. You try telling your missus that you slept with another woman when she has a seven pound club handy... you know, the kind they kill mammoths with.

The reason I'm saying this is because, as some of you may have heard I was in Guatemala recently. Now, keeping to my original principle that one should only write in a blog when one is excessively bored, I won't write about my experience in Tikal because that place is simply too magical to be thus constricted to the banality of modern life which is the blog.

But here's a picture

I'll tell you something else, though... a little story about a wee Guatemalan tour guide who fancied himself Mayan. At first I would have believed him because he said he was part Maya, part negro and part Spanish, seemed believable enough. But after I heard the rest of his blabbering I was having trouble believing he was even born on this planet.

This little midget (and I apologise to short people world-wide for associating this specimen with their kind) made such infuriating claims I honestly felt like smacking my head against the ruins till I could hear that distinctive high-pitched sound in your ears that makes you think your in a coma. I tell you, a catatonic state would have been preferrable.
Among many of his claims he said that Atlantis was just off the coast of the Yucatan peninsula in the Caribbean of all places... imagine those Greeks of Atlantis sipping coconut shakes and dancing in a grass skirt on the beach, then you'll understand how I felt.

But that's not the worst part... what's even more challenging for the average sane human mind is that these three lasses from the US (I don't want to fall into stereotypes, but some of them are just unavoidable) were feeding off of every word like a wee Scotsman on whiskey chocolates.
It was mind-numbing to watch.

Today after having seen a certain video I was reminded of it. Now I feel compelled to warn you... serious damage to your intellect may occur after watching this:

I am at a loss of words to describe this monstrosity, all I know is that I needed a heavy dose of Billy Connolly afterwards, so here, I'll help you... enjoy: